"more than friends, less than a couple"

"Truth is, I don't even know what are we haha"

"Oh hmm. I guess we're more than friends..less than a couple"

"Oh I guess so"

"I've heard relationships like that in twitter. And  I don't ever want to involve in this couple thingy"

what can i do?

you know how much it hurts when people can't accept for who you are even though you have accepted yourself for who you are? you know much it hurts when people don't appreciate the hard work you've done? you know how much it hurts to be judged when they don't even know anything?

i feel like nothing is worth it. tried my best but still...okay fine, definitely not my best. but at least i tried. 

just like the lyric of holes inside by joe brooks 

"When all that you've tried leaves nothing, but holes inside"

You've tried everything but it feel like there's no positive outcome..it's just tiring

Crying Inside, Smiling Outside

She looked outside the window. The sky was crying and so was her heart. But outside, she just smiled and pretended that nothing was wrong. She may not be good in faking smiles, but this time, she really need to fake her smile. So her parents wouldn't know that she was having too many problems. She didn't want her siblings to know too. So she kept laughing to her siblings' jokes. And again, pretended that nothing was wrong.

All of her negative thoughts were haunting her. Her guilty feeling came again. It was killing her literally. She has always has this fear inside of her. The fear of the past repeating again. She felt like no one deserved her. People would be a lot happier if she never existed. She felt that she was just.....a loser. Pathetic. Worthless. Useless. And all the negative trait she could think of.

Hlovate,Anthem

That moment when the famous person that you admire the most noticed your existence. Best. Moment. Ever. It's indescribable. So the last post I wrote about Joe Brooks noticing my existence. But this one, I'm gonna write about this one local author, that I admire the most, noticing my existence.

There was this one day. I was stressed due to some personal problems and also stressed due to exams. I decided to shake my worries and stressed away by checking my fb and twitter. I checked the fb notifications the moment I checked my fb. AND GUESS WHAT? There was this noti, it read, "Hlovate commented on your wall post" Iwas a lil blurry at that time. Didn't know what it meant exactly. So I clicked on it.

Jeng jeng jeng... *drum roll please*

I saw that Hlovate COMMENTED ON MY WALL POST! The wall post was sent a year ago, ya know? Eh, not exactly. I posted on her wall on Dec 2011 actually. Well, back to the story, HLOVATE COMMENTED ON MY WALL POST. I seriously enjoyed her writing. And this happened a few afters I finished reading her latest novel; Anthem. Hehe.

I wish I could put the printscreen, but sorry I can't  don't want to cuz I want to stay as anon. Hehe sorry.

Peace and Love

Over and Out xoxo 

"Fate and your dream can collide"

Fate and your dreams can collide - Joe Brooks

         What Joe Brooks said is true. Fate and your dreams can collide if you hold on to whatever you want to achieve tightly.  Maybe you think it's impossible. Maybe it's unreachable. But if you hold on and never gave up, your dreams can collide with fate.

          This has been proved to me last year. The day Joe Brooks replied to me. But nahh, let's not talk about last year. Let's talk about yesterday :)

          So urm..I sent a dm to Joe Brooks yesterday. I did it...for fun. Didn't even expect his reply. My thought when I sent the dm was 'Why am I spamming him? It's not like he's gonna reply' So I just ignored the dm I sent to him and continue doing things what I left.

        The next day, I opened twitter as usual. I checked my dm for other reasons. Then baam! I saw his name on the dm thingy. I saw his reply. I was kinda shaking. I was smiling to my cheeks. Felt like screaming but tried not to scream cuz I don't want my neighbours to think that I'm crazy haha. The experience of Joe Brooks replying your dm is just indescribable. Serious talk.

        And I told myself "It's okay that I can't go to his concert, at least he noticed my existence"

        Well not only that. I found out that he sent a dm to my other account (aka my fan account). Hehehe. Then he favourited my tweets twice. Ahhh he's like the best artist ever! Noticing his fans.

       As a conclusion, I still couldn't believe that he replied to my dm, sent a dm and favourited my tweets twice. I really hope he'd win the competition so he can go to Australia!

Peace and Love xoxo. (bajet gaya joe cehh)

Memories

That moment when you think about the past but you're not sure whether it did really happened or you were just making it up but the proofs of the memories are still there...

Hlovate, friends and Joe Brooks ツ

End of April. Seriously can't wait for it. And I hope they will turn out greater than what I expect 'em to be.

So...how is the title and the above part related? Well...

Me and most of the library prefect are going to PWTC at the end of this month. A few days before one of my friend's birthday. And I'm planning to give birthday gifts to all my friends on that day, InsyaAllah.

And guess whaaaaaat? I just found out that Hlovate just released a new book! Not a story book. Nor a novel. But it's a book filled with her quotes from her past novels. And it only costs about RM10!!

original picture

Annnnnndddd. Finally. People say that The Boy and The Broken Machine aka tbatbm will be released on the 1st of May. Hope so. Joe had postponed the release of this album....for a few times already. Hope he won't postpone it again :((

Wanna see the cover of tbatbm? It's just so cute :') 

See I told you already. So cute ah? ;p hahaha.


And oh yeah, before I forgot, I heard that Joe will be back in Malaysia next month. So excited. Even though I know I won't be going to his concert :( Sad lyfe I know :p But yeah, at least he will be coming to Malaysia okay? hehehe.

Okay enough of this nonsense. Hehe kthanksbyee

Running from Reality

Life is tough. But sometimes, I think it's okay. But then again I think it's pretty tough. I don't know why.

But you know, it feels good to hang out with all of your friends. Without having to think about your problems. Without having your mind too crowded for the all the little things. It seriously feels good. I guess that's what people call 'escaping from reality'. I don't fake my smile. I don't fake my happiness. When I smile, it really comes from my heart. When I feel happy, I really mean it. I'm not that good at faking smile/happiness. I fake 'em only on special case. When I'm really down. And when I don't have someone to talk to. That's when I fake them. But usually my smile and happiness and laughters are definitely real.

But you know what? Have you ever feel…torn apart, deep inside your heart? Lost, inside your own world? Having no one to talk to? You just have to…keep things to yourself. I mean, you can always tell your friends, but they would never understand. And I just don't want to complicate their lives with my own useless drama right? Besides, I don't want to make myself look whiny and weak all the time. So yeah. You just have to keep all the things, big or little, all by yourself. And when you can't take it anymore…you can't do anything but cry. Cuz you're getting sick of thinking about the same thing all over again, with no solutions revolved.

And that's when escaping reality comes. This is why I've made that choice. I don't want to burden myself. I don't want to torture myself. This is the only way (I think) to stop myself from thinking too much. I think too much. That's my problem. I don't know, but I think it's better to escape from reality, than to burden yourself by thinking too much. Well, yeah I know…escaping from reality doesn't really solve anything. You'll someday face them again after you've tried running from them. But hey, at least you don't spend time too much over-thinking right? 

"Dan kami menguji kamu..."

She felt sad. Alone. Empty. Frankly speaking, she didn't really what she felt. A mixture of all the bad feelings. She wiped her tears and tried her best to stop crying.

She then picked up the holy Quran and opened the page from when left off yesterday. She read the whole page and then read the meaning of those 'ayat'.

"Dan kami menguji kamu dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan & kekurangan harta, jiwa dan buah-buahan. Dan sampailah kabar kepada orang-orang yang sabar

(iaitu) orang-orang yg apabila ditimpa musibah mereka berkata 'Inna lillahi  wa inna ilaihi raji'un (sesungguhnya kami milik Allah dan kepada-Nyalah kami kembali'

Merekalah yang memperoleh ampunan & rahmat dari Tuhannya dan merekalah orang-orang yang mendapat petunjuk)

(Surah Al-Baqarah, ayat 155-157)

She read those three 'ayat' over and over again. Tears of……sadness and happiness rolled down her cheeks. She felt like God immediately responded. She felt like God was there. All along. She was grateful for that. More than grateful.